Musings of an Aging Lesbian

This has been such a strange time. Kelly and I had a wonderful, relaxing, fun vacation in Puerto  Vallarta with Olivia Travel. Several of our dear friends were there to share a whale-watching boat trip and a day-long cooking class. Kelly and I have always taken adventure vacations so this vegging for a week at the beach was quite different…and great fun!

We came home to a series of strange things. First, our dear friend Linda died. She had a fast-moving ALS and it was so very sad. Then, at the primary elections results party, I managed to end up in the ER from feeling faint and nauseated. I’m okay now but will see my doc today. Kelly had cataract surgery on Wednesday. She’s doing very well. During it all what occurred to me is that I have absolutely no control over events or people. After nearly 19 years of my Codependents Anonymous program, I think I finally got it. Anne Lamott describes it best…

This is #3 of what Anne Lamott says she knows for sure. It’s a little harsh but very true: There is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way, unless you’re waiting for an organ. You can’t buy, achieve or date serenity and peace of mind. This is the most horrible truth, and I so resent it. But it’s an inside job, and we can’t arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world. They have to find their own ways, their own answers. You can’t run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and ChapStick on their hero’s journey. You have to release them. It’s disrespectful not to. And if it’s someone else’s problem, you probably don’t have the answer, anyway. Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much.

Meditation this week: I have faith in my abilities.

Stand up, speak out! Thanks for taking this journey with me. Now go write your story!



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